Do Other Things
I was a die-hard, do-it-yourself, all-or-nothing musician for 20 years. I was a theatre kid. I formed a band at 13. I had to lead in the high school musical. My career really began in earnest though when I abandoned academics at McGill University in 1986 to pursue music full-time.
That career went essentially unbroken until 2006. I busked. I did cover gigs. I worked ‘day jobs’ I released independent albums, got great press, grants, toured clubs and festivals all over the world. I went to conferences, showcased. In short, I did whatever it took to ‘follow my dream.’ And I was miserable.
Until I confronted a hidden dissonance (living one version of reality to mask the discomfort of a more painful truth) in therapy my internal logic (supported by all the performance/excellence coaching pop psychology, self-obsession with biographies and so on) dictated that in order to maximize any chance at success in the music industry I had to ‘remove all other options’—including having the dreaded day-job to fall back on. In fact, when I returned to the West Coast from my last dedicated stint in Toronto in 1997, where I had worked in a music store, I had to confront this dissonance: despite all my career success I was inversely proportionally unhappy inside. I was living a ‘split self.’ My heroic, even self-destructive drive to succeed in the name of fulfilling my dream was in large part about proving (or disproving) something to my family about my goals, my truth, my identity.
Truth is, study after study show that when we tie our identity too strongly to our work or vocation--certainly to our financial success--at some point it becomes toxic and counterproductive. What I was lacking was self-acceptance, some deeper healing and most importantly, life balance. In part, the catalyst was with a tantalizing but ultimately fruitless connection with a major Grammy-winning producer in LA in 2003 that was so deflating I almost imploded. This was at the apex of crumbling old paradigm of the record industry, dealt a lethal blow by illegal files-haring beginning with Napster. In the end, the lost opportunity (my ‘angel’ investor didn’t come through to finance the album) was a gift.
What seemed like a sure sign that music may not be my career path in life was replaced by an awareness that it shouldn’t and couldn’t be. What manifested as career disappointment gave way to a deeper calling to fulfill other facets of myself. In the next 12 years I completed two graduate degrees, one a PhD, and developed a whole other professional, personal, and intellectual path to life satisfaction, self-discovery, and yes, success. I didn’t give up on music, not in the least. Along the way after getting my master’s degree, I took a year-long sojourn down to Nashville with the thought if I couldn’t be a bona fide rockstar, I could at least find success as a songwriter. Despite a career peak (obtaining an almost-impossible 01 visa, touring the States for three years), now more solidly into mid-life I was faced with the same dilemma: keep going, eke out a possibly decent living, relocate permanently to Nashville and make a life in music like those other middle-aged musicians around me, or keep exploring all aspects of myself, and keep investing in a balanced life? In Nashville, a successful producer friend asked me a vital question: are you an entertainer or an artist? He answered for me: clearly an artist.
The distinction allowed me to get clear that I would always be an artist; committed to my craft, but not enslaved to making a living as an entertainer. As Rick Rubin says, tying your economic sustainability to your art will severely compromise the artist in you—rich or poor. Now, as a psychotherapist I help couples escape a similar false dichotomy to ‘music or bust!’ When couples ask ‘do we stay together or part? I counter with “wrong question!” The question should forever be: “am I happy?”
Myk Gordon is an acclaimed singer, songwriter and recording artist who just released his second album, Born To Be, with multiple Grammy Award-winning producer Steve Berlin (Los Lobos). He also holds an MSc, PhD, is a psychotherapist and 6th Dan Aikido teacher.
Website: www.mykgordon.com